George and Ginny in Papau New Guinea
George and Ginny love to surf . . . the internet, that is. Can Helga and Herman convince them to go surf the waves of the Pacific coast instead?!?
(Note: There is a technical glitch on Substack, and you might receive 2 versions of this newsletter. The one you receive on MAY 3rd is the correct, updated version - please delete the “glitchy” copy that could appear in your inbox on May 4th. Sorry for the mix up, and thanks for waiting for this month’s tale . . . )
It’s May, everyone!
Hello Spring!
Hello Sunshine!
Hello . . . Hamsters?
Yes, one year ago B-Side Stories brought you Hamsterdam – a tale of two hamsters and their adventures in Europe.
If you haven’t had a chance, scurry like a hamster and go check it out in the B-Side archives, or click the link below:
Now that you’ve met Herman and Helga, it’s time to introduce the new pets in town – George and Ginny! Even though he still loves his old hamsters, Sam decides it’s time for a few more furry friends in the house. But, George and Ginny are a different breed. Not only are they guinea pigs, but they are also . . .
. . . MILLENNIALS!!!
Can Herman and Helga show these two youngsters that there is a whole world beyond their computer screen? Find out if George and Ginny will stop surfing the net and start surfing the waves in the far-off land of Papau New Guinea . . .
(*Sidenote: You should really, REALLY read Hamsterdam. It will help this wild and wacky story make a bit more sense. Plus, you would already know that this tale will be filled with ‘sidenotes’ - important additions from your narrator - ME! I am able to translate these animal tales because, thanks to my own travels, I speak many foreign languages. Including hamster, rabbit, gerbil, and guinea pig. But, I don’t want to brag . . . )
Now, time for your sequel . . .
George and Ginny in Papau New Guinea
by caitlin nicole evans
Dedicated to Ginny – it’s tough to rhyme with Guinea. So, thank you for the inspiration, Ginny! And thank you for supporting my first full-length book, Cosette Goes to the County.
In fact, THANK YOU to everyone who has a copy of Cosette Goes to the County sitting on your bookshelf . . .
*Click below to hear the audio version of this story, but don’t forget to follow along with the words and the illustrations.
Once upon a time . . .
(1998 to be exact),
there lived two hamsters named Helga and Herman.
Helga and Herman had discovered life really was like a fairy tale.
If you dreamed hard enough, your dreams could come true – and they had dreamt of travelling the whole wide world.
They had seen many countries near and far.
(*Sidenote: There are a few exceptions to making your dreams a reality. For example, you cannot transform from a hamster into human. Or, make guinea pigs fly. Or, buy a pet unicorn. I know – tragic! But, despite what you may have heard, many dreams are very doable . . .)
Herman and Helga had discovered the joy of travelling when their owner Sam purchased a map.
For a long time, Helga and Herman thought it was a Mop.
BUT . . .
Eventually, Herman learned to read, and Helga finally got prescription glasses.
Being able to read and being able to see, certainly helped Mr. and Mrs. Hamster make the most of their adventures.
They had scaled the great wall of China.
Rode camels around the Great Pyramid of Giza.
Felt the water spray from Angel Falls, and floated down the Amazon through the rainforests of Brazil.
They visited museums all over the world, learning about history and discovering a wealth of knowledge.
Plus, they still had a few more trips to look forward to.
Like the Sahara desert in Morocco.
And - paws crossed - a chance to see Machu Picchu!
All in all, they had led a very good life, but the reality was, Herman and Helga were getting older.
Which was probably why Sam had decided to adopt two new pets.
There names were Ginny and George, and they were a very different breed.
Yes, Ginny and George were not hamsters. They were . . .
guinea pigs!
They were also . . .
. . . Millennials!!!
Helga was a little jealous of the new pets in town.
“Hmmpf,” complained Helga. “Fresh meat!”
“Actually, in some countries, they would be considered fresh meat.” Herman loved collecting facts, and it was true. Some countries did eat guinea pig.
Fortunately, they lived in Canada, where guinea pigs were known to make very fluffy, friendly pets, but NOT very good meals.
But, Helga didn’t think they were friendly – she thought they were a threat.
“We are sooooooo old,” said Helga. “Sam is replacing us!”
Herman, ever positive, came to the rescue with a different spin on the situation.
“I think, perhaps,” said Herman. “Sam just really likes animals.”
It seemed obvious to Herman. He’d read all Sam’s nature books, and various other pets lived under the same roof. Ian the iguana, Dan the dog, and Carl the cat. But, we will get to Carl later . . .
Anyways, deep down Helga knew Herman was right.
“Fine,” Helga relented. She watched Sam place Ginny and George into their new home. It was decked out with tubes and toys.
“Enjoy, little dudes,” Sam said to his new pets, and headed back downstairs.
Sometimes Herman and Helga marvelled at Sam, who seemed to have transformed into a tall, lanky teenager overnight.
Unfortunately, hamster years and human years didn’t quite work the same way.
(*Sidenote: 1 human year = 58 hamster years! But, don’t worry, hamsters AND guinea pigs can live to be 160. No wonder Helga needed glasses . . . )
As soon as Sam was gone, the new guinea pigs figured out a crafty way to pop through one of the tubes attached to their cage.
With sweet freedom, they immediately headed toward Sam’s mysterious box.
All that Herman and Helga knew about this box was that it provided light, went “clickity - clack”, and seemed to absorb a lot of Sam’s attention.
Apparently, the same was true for guinea pigs. They both became enraptured with the screen.
“Herman, they’ve escaped. How naughty!” Helga tutted.
“Oh, Helga. Try to be cool.” Herman didn’t know much about teenagers, but he did know they would not score any points by nagging.
Instead, Herman took a walk on the wild side, and popped out the top of his cage too.
Slightly sceptical, Helga followed. She hoped their curiosity would not put them in danger.
(*Sidenote: Unfortunately, Herman and Helga had seen curiosity kill the cat. Yes, it was Carl, and it was a tragedy. But, the fact is, Carl was curious about the bird that lived outside the bedroom window. And it was not the smartest thing to jump out after him. However, most of the time, curiosity is a perfectly safe feeling to follow . . . )
Herman and Helga approached the millennials, who were deeply entranced by the box.
“Hiya,” Herman said. “I’m Herman, and this is my wife Helga.”
“Hey, dude.” George said, without looking away from the screen.
“What’s up?” Ginny asked, her eyes also glued to the box.
Helga looked up, but all she saw was the ceiling . . .
“And you are . . . ?” Helga prompted.
“I’m George, and this is my sister, Ginny.”
“Oooh, you two could be twins!” Helga exclaimed.
The siblings did not look impressed.
“Whatever,” said George.
“Lame. I don’t wanna look like my brother. Totally gross!” said Ginny.
Herman decided to step in.
“Why don’t you tell us what is up with you? I’ve always been rather curious about this captivating contraption.”
(*Sidenote: Now that Herman could read, his vocabulary had really expanded! Words like “captivating”, “contraption”, and his latest favourite, “Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia”. It meant: “A fear of long words”, which Herman found quite amusing . . . )
The two guinea pigs looked at Herman and Helga like they were hippopotomonstroses!
“Um, dude, it’s like a computer.” George said.
“Duhhhh.” Ginny added.
They had never met anyone who didn’t know what a computer was.
Everyone at the pet store was very tech savvy.
“Ohhhhh,” said Herman.
“Ohhhhh , please!” said Helga. “That’s what he says when he has no idea what your talking about.”
The millennials sighed.
It was so draining trying to explain things to the older generation.
“So, basically a computer stores and processes data and information. You can surf the internet and get access to all that info. It’s pretty awesome,” George explained.
“So, it’s . . . it’s . . . an encyclopedia?” Exclaimed Herman, thinking he finally understood.
“I guess it’s an entire digital library,” Ginny added, although she hadn’t really thought about it before.
Herman’s heart stopped at the word “library” . . .
“Can I see?” He asked, and suddenly Herman and Helga were introduced to computer basics 101 - class of ‘98.
They learned to type.
To scroll.
Insert floppy discs.
And how to use the mouse.
Helga thought it was a very silly name . . .
They noticed George kept asking the computer questions, and like some magical wizard of Oz, the mystical box answered.
“Who is Goooo – gel?” Helga asked, totally mystified.
Even Herman was confused.
The guinea pigs rolled their eyes.
“It’s Google.” Ginny said.
George could see they still didn’t get it.
“It’s a search engine. You can search for the answer to anything you want.”
George didn’t seem too impressed, but the hamsters thought this was incredible!
(*Sidenote: Technology means we have lots of information, which is good. But, sometimes with technology we forget about the simple things in life: the importance of boredom. Our friends and family’s phone numbers. Books are made of paper. AND, we tend to take for granted just how incredible, amazing, and wondrous things truly are . . . )
“Wow,” Herman marvelled.
“Can you really ask it anything?”
Hesitantly, Helga stepped on the key board and slowly, awkwardly typed:
Where -
is -
the -
closest -
mall?
And so, Helga was introduced to the world of online shopping.
To Herman, this was a terrifying discovery.
Ginny and George were just happy to see they finally seemed to be getting it.
“So what else do you like to do?” Herman asked, after fiddling around with the computer.
It was the youngsters turn to feel perplexed.
“Umm, video games.” George said, after some thought.
“MySpace,” Ginny offered, although she hoped she wouldn’t have to explain social networks.
(*Sidenote: MySpace was like Facebook, although maybe Facebook isn’t so popular anymore. It’s hard keeping up with the cool pigs . . . )
“What about travel?” Herman asked, trying to find common ground. “Helga and I love to travel.”
“Travel?” Ginny looked confused. “Why would we travel?”
“Ya, homie. I can tell you anything about anywhere in the world with just a click of a button.”
To prove their point, Ginny and George pulled up various images of countries all over the world.
In three and a half minutes, Herman had seen most of Japan!
Pictures of cherry blossoms, Mount Fuji, and the bustling streets of Tokyo.
He’d always wanted to go to Japan . . .
But, just because he saw pictures of sushi, didn’t mean he could taste the sushi.
“I’m not sure you can tell everything from that Internet,” Herman said.
“Ya,” Helga added. “I mean, we thought Hamsterdam was THE place for hamsters. Turns out – once we travelled there - not a hamster in sight!”
George and Ginny looked very confused, so Herman pointed out the map on Sam’s bedroom wall.
“She means Amsterdam.” Herman explained. “Duh, am I right?”
“Oh, Herman,. Stop trying to be cool! It’s a long story, but the point is you can learn a lot when you travel. Just look at all those places waiting to be explored.”
As Helga’s eyes scanned the map, she came across a small country, off the coast of Australia.
Thanks to her glasses, she could read it just right:
“Oh-my-Nutella! There is a place called Papua New – get this – Guinea!”
Helga was too excited.
It was like discovering Hamsterdam all over again.
“That must be the birthplace of guinea pigs, right?” said Helga.
“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Ginny agreed.
“I’ll get my suitcase!” Helga said.
“Not necessary, Mrs. H,” George was already running all over the keyboard. “We can totally just Google it!”
In a few seconds, George had the answer.
“Actually Helga, guinea pigs originated in South America.”
“Ooooooh, someone’s taking a trip to Florida!”
Herman didn’t have the heart to correct his wife.
(*Sidenote: Geography can be quite useful. No, George and Ginny would not be taking a trip to Florida – although it’s a perfectly nice place to visit. George was referring to the continent, not the southern United States. It would make a lot more sense for the two guinea pigs to visit Peru, Bolivia, or Equador if they hoped to come in contact with any long lost cousins . . . )
“I still think Papua New Guinea looks pretty cool,” Herman was really hoping these two young Guinea pigs would go off and see the world beyond their screen.
But, pups would be pups . . .
“Look, we don’t need to go anywhere, guys. I mean I can tell you anything you want to know about it.”
With a few clicks and clacks, Ginny pointed out all the information on Wikipedia.
“Papua New Guinea is surrounded by the Solomon Sea,” Ginny read.
“Apparently you can go diving somewhere called Kimbe Bay.”
“You can climb Mount Wilheim, the highest mountain.”
“Or, even better, climb the Garbuna volcano!”
“There are shipwrecks, surfing AND they speak over 800 languages!”
“Hmmmm,” Herman nodded, always happy to learn something new.
“Hmmph,” Helga was short and testy. These millennials just didn’t get it.
“No, no, no,” Helga said. “You can’t just READ about it. You must go! See! Smell! Touch! Shop!”
“Taste!” Herman added. He loved to taste!
“What’s the point when you can surf the net?” Ginny said.
Herman didn’t know what surfing the net meant, but he had to insist:
“I’m pretty sure you two kids would have a very rad time surfing the waves instead.”
Herman saying “rad” made Helga give a long eye roll.
These teenagers were really rubbing off on her.
But, it seemed like Herman and Helga were rubbing off on them too!
The wheels in Ginny and George’s head started spinning like a hamster wheel.
After listening to Herman and Helga, it seemed the impossible had happened.
Yes . . .
Ginny and George had finally caught the travel bug!
(*Sidenote: You are probably expecting me to tell you that there is no real-life travel bug. BUT, actually, there is a travel bug! I’ve seen him in many countries around the world. He particularly enjoys Vietnam. But, don’t Google him. Google doesn’t know everything . . . )
“Maybe we should go, George. We could surf.”
“And hike.” George said.
“And eat some . . . well, whatever they eat in Papua New Guinea!” Herman was so excited for the two youngsters, even HIS stomach was grumbling.
George DID like to eat . . .
There was really only one question left.
“So, how do we get there?” They asked.
They were about to ask Google, but Helga cleared her throat, while Herman smiled.
It was nice to finally be the ones with the answer . . .
“Actually, we know the best way to get there.” They said.
“Better than Kayak?!” Ginny found it hard to believe there were cheaper flights then Kayak.
(*Sidenote: A long, long time ago, in an ancient era, before the golden age of Google flights, there were other popular search engines. Like Kayak, and Yahoo. Just ask the old folks, a.k.a. your parents . . . )
“Now, I’m not sure about kayaking to Papua New Guinea, but let me tell you how we get around,” Herman said.
Helga went on to explain how they magically transported themselves all over the world.
“ . . . and then one day, we woke up to the beautiful streets of Hamsterdam.”
“But, how does it work?” Ginny asked. It seemed as complicated as time travel!
(*Sidenote: Time travel is complicated, but NOT impossible. The travel bug told me all about some of his pretty wild adventures into the past, and a few road trips he took into the future . . .)
“I don’t know HOW it works,” Helga admitted. “I just know that it does.”
Even Herman, who liked to understand the mechanics of things, had never come across a perfect answer in any of the books he’d read. He just knew you had to believe.
Maybe, it was beyond reason.
Beyond the mind’s grasp.
Maybe, it was magic . . .
(*Sidenote: I know, I know. You expect me to tell you there is definitely NO magic. But, Herman and Helga aren’t alone. Word on the street is, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, AND the travel bug all use a similar method to travel around the world . . . )
So, George and Ginny went to sleep that night hoping and praying, visualizing and believing, that they would wake up in Papua New Guinea.
And the next day, they woke up . . .
In their cage!
(*Sidenote: Sometimes our wishes don’t come true precisely when we’d like them to . . . )
They kept trying, hoping and keeping faith.
The more they waited, the more excited they grew.
Until, finally one day, they awoke on a beautiful tropical island.
There was a tall volcano, and the sound of voices speaking a myriad of different dialects.
Now THIS was sweet freedom!
With no more screens to distract them, they were free to roam the coast.
They could smell the salt of the Pacific and the crashing waves called their names.
After trying their paws at surfing, Ginny and George grew curious about what was under the water.
They remembered reading about Kimbe Bay, and headed there to snorkel and dive in the crystal clear water.
George even got to see a shipwreck!
They were so amped up, they couldn’t resist a bit of trekking.
They hiked the famous Kokoda Track through the Owen Stanley Ranges.
They even made it to the top of Mount Wilheim AND Mount Garbuna volcano.
Fortunately, their was no lava, but there were plenty of amazing views.
It looked way cooler than a screensaver!
When they were finished, they decided to use the last of their energy to visit the wildlife in Port Moresby Park.
(*Sidenote: Teenagers have A LOT of energy, which explains how George and Ginny had such a wild adventure in one single day. Plus, guinea pigs are excellent climbers. Hence their love of tubes . . . )
They were getting a little tired, so they hired an off-road vehicle and a guide to take them around the national park.
(*Sidenote: The “off-road vehicle” was a local turtle, named Pete. The “guide” was also Pete. George and Ginny rode on top of his tortoise shell while Pete told them about the park. He was fairly slow, but that was okay. They were able to get PLENTY of information about the surrounding wildlife . . . )
“Port Moresby is the world’s 3rd-largest tropical forest after the Congo and the Amazon. They discover new species here all the time. It is truly incredible. There are tree kangaroos. Wallabies. Turtles. Well, obviously there are turtles.” Pete chortled. “Pig-nosed Pikus to be precise.”
George and Ginny decided Pete was just as informative - and much more entertaining - than Yahoo.
“Hey, I guess we are both part of the pig family,” Pete, like all good tour guides, was VERY good at corny jokes.
Pete gave Ginny and George a wonderful tour, but after a long day of exploring they were very hungry. They hadn’t had a thing. They were too absorbed in all the fun – like playing video games, BUT better!
And it wasn’t over.
No, it was time for the part that George had been waiting for - tasting some local food!
“You must try the national dish,” Pete insisted, as he slowly ambled away.
So, their first stop was a roadside café where they ordered a plate of mumu.
Rice, vegetables, pork and potatoes were piled high on a single plate.
It was very filling, but George and Ginny made sure to save room for dessert.
They ordered Talautu, made from shredded coconut and pineapple chunks.
It was mixed together with lemon, sugar, and coconut milk than stuffed back inside the coconut shell.
“How tropical!” Ginny gushed.
“Holy Guacamole!” George exclaimed. “This is delicious!”
(*Sidenote: Millennials have a particular reverence for avocadoes, which they prefer smashed on toast. Preferably sourdough toast. Oh, and oat milk. Millennials really love oat milk . . . )
Over the course of the evening, George and Ginny tasted all the new found foods they could fit in their bellies.
They really put the pig in guinea pig!
But, it was all worth it to taste the local delicacies.
Like Kaukau, smashingly good sweet, mashed potatoes.
And saksak, tiny dumplings covered in banana leaves and steamed in coconut milk.
Being near the water, Papua New Guinea also had plenty of seafood.
They treated themselves to fresh crab, and even fresher lobster.
There was also the famous grilled Kokoda fish, caught straight from the Pacific.
“This looks so good I could photograph it,” Ginny said.
(*Sidenote: Cell phones had yet to gain popularity, and Instagram hadn’t been invented. Which was a very good thing. Without any distractions, George and Ginny enjoyed every second of there holiday, truly present. But, years later, Ginny would get a cell phone. And she would LOVE it. You can follow her at #ginny.the.guinea . . .)
After a day of exploring the island, Ginny and George were pooped. It was a lot more tiring than sitting in front of the computer!
They headed to bed and, just like Helga and Herman promised, they woke up back home in Sam’s bedroom.
They didn’t return with empty paws.
They had tons of stories, and a few souvenirs.
Helga had hoped for a pair of shoes but, unfortunately, Papua New Guinea wasn’t really known for fashion.
In the end, Ginny decided to show Helga all the best websites for online shopping!
Herman just listened, absorbing all the information from their trip.
He smiled seeing that travelling had really opened the two young guinea pig’s minds and hearts.
George even began to spend less time playing video games, and more time reading with Herman.
It turned out George liked books.
And, when he got hungry, he could pop a corner of the page into his mouth.
It wasn’t as tasty as lobster, but it did the trick.
(*Sidenote: Guinea pigs really do like eating paper. But, you should try to take care of your books and NOT eat the pages. Treat books with the same reverence as Nutella, or oat milk . . . )
In the end, they all grew to be such good friends they decided they should take a trip together.
“How about we go to the birthplace of guinea pigs?” George suggested.
“Florida! How fabulous!” Helga was still confused.
Herman let it slide.
Afterall, his wife would wake up and be pleasantly surprised.
Which was truly a lovely feeling.
In fact, even Ginny and George wanted to be surprised.
“Aren’t you going to Google it?” Herman asked.
But . . .
George didn’t Google it.
He just kept on reading - The Swiss Family Robinson.
He had grown quite fascinated by shipwrecks and islands ever since their trip.
“Let’s just wait and see,” he said.
Ginny smiled with excitement.
Herman smiled with satisfaction.
And Helga . . .
Well, Helga was busy looking for the perfect sandals for the beaches of Fort Lauderdale . . . . .
A few weeks later, Helga was pleasantly surprised to wake up in South America and NOT southern America.
The shoes she packed were perfect for the beaches of Lima.
Yes, they had landed in beautiful PERU!
Herman loved cycling around on food tours.
Ginny loved riding dune buggies through the desert.
And George loved hiking in the Andes.
Best of all they all trekked the famous Inca trail to Machu Picchu!
It really was a dream come true . . .
And, Google was right.
There were lots and lots of guinea pigs . . .
(*Sidenote: There really are lots of guinea pigs in Peru. Approximately 28 million – according to Wikipedia. It’s a good thing George and Ginny didn’t read too much about it. They may have discovered that guinea pig meat can be a delicacy in Peru. And that might have made them anxious. And that might have made them stay in the safety of their cages. Of course, it’s important to make sure you know how to stay safe in any country you are visiting. But, it is also good not to be too frightened of visiting unknown places. Besides, in the end, the humans did NOT eat Ginny or George. Instead, they made a mountain of wonderful memories travelling around the world with some new, “old” friends . . .)
The End
RECOMMENDED READING: This month’s story was very 90’s! So how about a throwback? Nothing is more millennial, more Canadian, and more laugh-out-loud funny than a classic story from Robert Munsch. When I was little I LOVED listening to Robert Munsch on cassette tapes (*Sidenote: ask your parent’s about cassette tapes. . . ) Munsch was a very big influence in my love for reading, but also my love of listening and the importance of a good giggle. If you can find a recording on YouTube, there is nothing better than hearing Mr. Munsch read his own stories out loud. Any story will do – they are all wonderful – but, here are a few of my personal favourites: Something Good (1990), Stephanie’s Ponytail (1996), Andrew’s Loose Tooth (1998), and Pigs (1999). Make it a “90’s Night” for your next bedtime story time and get ready to laugh. These stories are funnier than Pete’s corny jokes . . .
Oh, just one last “sidenote” . . .
There are plenty of ways to support the author of Hamsterdam, George and Ginny, and all my B-Side Stories. Become a paid subscriber for only $5.00/month, or reach out and order a copy of my book: Cosette Goes to the County (autographs and laughs included.) Email caitlinnicoleevans@gmail.com to request a copy, or follow me on Instagram/Facebook at caitlinnicoleevans.
